Dear Daddy...


I often replay October 23, 2008 in my head. It was the day my life FOREVER changed. I still feel like I am in some sort of trance. I tend to try and change the outcome of the day or variables but when I snap back to reality, I realize my new reality is a nightmare I will NEVER wake up from. You're physically gone. There has been so much time that has passed that I REALLY wanted you to be here for.....multiple graduations, career changes, business moves, dating, trips, and just getting your advice on a wide range of things. No holiday will ever be the same and I am already bracing myself for the day I walk down the aisle with your arm not in mine. During every Father and Daughter dance at a wedding I either fight back tears or excuse myself from the room as I know I will never get to experience that moment with you. I even think about when I have children and how great of a "grand-pop" you would have been. Very often there are holidays, BBQs, family trips -all the things you loved to be a part of, that make me think of you. People always say I get my talents of hosting parties and providing entertainment from you. It makes me wish I could have you over for a dinner party. 

I am sorry that I didn't appreciate all your advice when you were still here but I want you to know I heard you. I heard everything. Thank you for planting the seeds. Thank you for showing me a father's love. Thank you for loving my mom and my sister. I know how much certain things meant to you--like finishing my degrees, traveling the world before settling down, not settling for wooden nickles, and not going in back doors. All the love, life lessons--good and bad--I am grateful for all of it because it has made me in the women I am today and continue to strive to be.  Most people say time heals all wounds. I question that statement because life doesn't get easier without you being here. I have just learned to keep going in spite of. It does help to feel your presence and love daily. I love you and miss you so very much.


                                                                               Forever a Daddy's girl